I think this is such an important dialogue to have. We're in the midst of a shifting moral zeitgeist; and it's very exciting yet frustrating.
I was never spanked, and never got into any trouble, no gangs, never did drugs,... never even smoked weed or anything illegal. Not being spanked worked for me so I never thought spanking or hitting my kids was necessary. My boys are some of the most emotionally well adjusted and well behaved kids you will ever meet. The one and only time I ever hit one of my kids, my youngest was maybe 6 or so, and I was cooking in the kitchen next to the stove, he reached up to touch one of the hot pans, and I smacked his hand down hard so it didn't touch the hot pan. He looked at me like "WTF was that?? Are you crazy??" haha. I loved that he didn't cry and wasn't afraid of me, it was such an unusual thing that he was just confused and trying to figure out what just happened. On the subject of Dwight, I think it's a lame excuse to say "that's how I was raised". Take responsibility for the decisions YOU made Dwight. He knows damn well that if he told people he hit his kid with a belt buckle they would be horrified. He's a grown man that decided to follow in his parents footsteps with that kind of beating, and he had a chance to reevaluate if it was right because this society clearly doesn't think it is right.
^^ As insane as it sounds to you or I, my guess is that Coward truly feels it is okay to treat his child that way and thinks society is the one that is wrong.
The thing is THAT I don't necessarily blame him for. I blame him (and Peterson) for not seeing the light after it was brought to their attention how awful their actions are. I don't fault someone for arcane practices when they don't understand what they're doing is arcane. I fault them for sticking to those practices after being shown a better way.
Trying to shift arcane values and beliefs of parents and teachers is the hardest part of my job. Logic, reasoning, and well- evidenced arguments don't phase these people. It's maddening. My only explanation is that values are so deeply engrained at such an early age that they become inaccessible to cognition.
I can see where that would be extremely frustrating. I'm honestly glad it's not my job to try to change those views. I don't know what it would take to make someone stop that when they see a pattern of success with it. I understand their view even if I vehemently disagree with it. I just honestly don't know how one would go about changing it.
It's a complex story, I think. Public prosecutions are probably not the way to get people to shift their views. It's a symptom of how our legal system works. It's all run on the threat and infliction of pain. Having the public scream names at someone for beating their kid and subjecting them to prison time shows that we combat problems with violence - but that's what got us into this mess.
Exactly right. It's about forming relationships with those who have opposing views. I think the re-programming of values and beliefs has to come experientially from someone whom they have a positive relationship. Show them, not tell them why your values are " better" without them knowing that you're trying to show them. There's so much to say about the art of connecting with people and trying to plant a seed for change. Some people go to school for many years to learn it
the only type of physical abuse to kids when they become too problematic and nothing else works is a spanking to their behind. Hand or belt.I believe its a last resort because there are a lot of hard headed kids that will not get it. And to punk 101. I believe kids are getting spanked way less compared to in the past. It was seen as a praise back in the day. Now its seen as practically a felony. Dont u guys see some kids just act so terrible u would tell yourself "damn that kid needs a whoopin"
Nope. I provide therapy to 25 of these kids every week and the thing I tell myself is this: " What environmental stressors and disruption in the attachment relationship is underlying their behaviors; and how can I get these parents to STOP whoopin them so they can actually get better."
I'm a firm believer in spanking. It's what I grew up with, and as far as I know, my brothers and cousins grew up with also, and they're fine ladies and gentlemen. But then again, we also had some tight, structured households so that could be it too.
This is a common argument I hear. Of course it's not an argument. It's simply an anecdote - there's no control group, so you don't know what would have happened without spanking. I believe no one has a right to physically discipline a child in that way.
ur making it sound like all the parents do is whoop them for any little thing. I'm talking about as a last resort if nothing else fails because the kids are stubborn as hell.
like I said, I'd need to find out about what's wrong with the attachment relationship. if a child is " stubborn as hell" andnothing else works, it's because the parent has seriously f****d up the attachment relationship. that's not the child's fault. a healthy attachment creates a child that behaves and takes joy in pleasing the parent. they are intrinsically motivated, not motivated by fear. which do youthink produces better citizens?
I don't know that it's always the parents' fault. Right, Punk? Sometimes you can be messed up simply because of genetics or sometimes because of other people. I do think that it's often the parents' fault, and I don't think that beating or even spanking is ever a good option.
Genetics? I firmly believe, "no", unless we're talking about autism spectrum. A messed up attachment is always the parent's fault. But other issues with the child may be the result of other's maltreatment. Point taken.
there are a lot of variables for a child to be disruptive, but i dont believe in just spanking a child just because... communication is always best but i do believe in if everything else fails... a spank...and back on dwight howard... if he hit his kid with the buckle part of the belt... then he should be getting same treatment as adrian peterson did
That's fine, Punk. I think Autism spectrum is a genetic case. Primary Psychopathy is one, too. Thizguy: when has someone really tried everything else? I like the way of thinking about it critically, but most parents haven't tried everything before they beat. In fact, it's one of the first things they go to.
Primary psychopathy is genetic, it typically produces low anxiety psychopaths, and it makes self-regulation incredibly difficult. Secondary psychopathy is the result of trauma, it typically produces high anxiety psychopaths, and while it is the more amenable to treatment, it is also the more violent and impulsive sort. Most people are more familiar with the second sort, but the first sort seems a genetic condition that makes antisocial (and undesirable) behavior more likely and isn't any fault of the parent.
