I don't know where to post this. I don't even know if this is appropriate for this forum. But I have a lot of respect for a lot of members on this board, and I just want to talk about some things. I'm not the most active member of these forums, but I know you guys have a lot of life experience and I've come to think of this forum (and everyone from CL) as an extended family since I've posted there since I was in middle school. I'm about to graduate from college in a few weeks. I don't know exactly where that's going to take me. I'm optimistic that one of my relatives can help me get a job. He has me scheduled for an interview with his company that is in a field related to what I've been studying. If not, I don't know where I'm going to go. I have given serious thought about joining the Air Force. I definitely like the idea of joining the Air Force as a Scientist. My degree would allow me to join as an Officer, and I like the idea of branching out and using my knowledge to help research ways to help my country. But even that is a selective process, and I don't know if I'd be able to accomplish that with my lack of experience. Furthermore, I don't know how I feel about leaving my family for an extended time right now. Because that's all beside the point. Throughout my life, my family has been my constant. I grew up with my cousins. I think of them as my brothers and sisters, and I think of their parents as my own parents. Whenever I was down about things in my own life, I'd think about my family. Whenever I'd get down about anything, I'd just remember that I have a great support system with my family. And now that's gone to crap. I recently found out that one of my uncles is a meth addict. He's always been one of the most personable people I've known and just overall a very friendly guy. But suddenly, he went missing for a few days and my parents/grandparents had to fill me in on the truth. He has frequently stolen jewelry from the family to pawn off to fund his drug binges. After years of being clean (hence me not knowing about this), he relapsed and did this again. After so many instances, my grandparents realized that they couldn't hide this from my younger cousins (his kids) anymore. They're now in college and they have to realize the kind of person their father is. So I've been struggling with accepting these facts on my own, while trying to be there for my younger cousins and helping them deal with these troubling facts while they're dealing with their own issues as young adults. Meanwhile, my uncle has returned and I've been trying to talk with him to get him to realize whats important in his life ... but at this point he's jaded and thinks that he's already ruined his body through years of drug abuse so he might as well enjoy the few years he has left... Meanwhile, another of my younger cousins (again, someone who I grew up with and think of as a brother) recently got a DUI. He is 19 years old. He is a pothead and he doesn't go to school. His side of the family has an intense history of alcoholism. After the incident in which he could've died or even worse, killed innocent people, he apologized to the family and told us about how correct we were with all our warnings. A few weeks later, he's back to his old ways. He managed to get a few jobs but he was too lazy to continue them and ended up quitting after a few weeks. He has no prospect of a future. I don't know how to act towards him. I've tried being the mature friend. It doesn't work. I've tried being the disciplinary older brother figure to him. It doesn't work. I'm worried that if I don't help him out, his life will go off the tracks, but if I try to be too heavyhanded, I'll just alienate him to the same results. Ugh... Anyways, sorry for burdening the forum with this dose of realism, but its just something I needed to get off my chest. Any advice would be appreciated, but I don't expect many of you being able to relate.
You've got a lot on your plate. Air Force questions -- you've come to the right place. Hit me up here or via PM and we can talk. Even if you don't go that route, your degree will help and you'll find a job. While you love your family members, their decisions aren't yours. You can try to help them, but at the end of the day, they have to want the help. You can only do so much. You're at a fork in the road (school and career) and need to place a lot of focus there. Help them where you can, but also focus on you. Trust me -- family can be a blessing and a curse. Don't let them pull you down while you're trying to lift them up.
HJ...you've done all you can for your family. It is time for them to realize what they are doing to themselves and let them live with the consequences. Maybe that will be a wake-up call. Like John3:16 said, focus on getting your life in order first and foremost.
Thanks guys. Logically, that is definitely the best approach I can take towards my family. Obviously, it's a bit tougher to actually go through with that but I know I have to try. All I can do is set a good example, and be there for the family members that actually care about their own lives and our family.
