so ive been dating this girl for the past 4 months. She's great, been great to me and tried to include me in all her family stuff... only one problem, her ex is still lingering around... He blows up her phone, hangs out with some of her family. He sometime shows up at her place un-announced and when ever he shows up, or calls her etc... she gets upset and is in a bad mood... she tries not to get me involved cause she knows because of my profession, one bad incident and I could get fired... but I'm dating her, so of course I'm involved since I'm around... How do I deal with this? Any way to approach this? Any wisdom/advice? Anyone ever have to deal with this?
its time your gf has a 'real' talk with him about moving on and not being around if he's not a total prick, he'd understand
Just shoot him. Problem solved. Okay, that wasn't funny. Sorry. It's her situation, so like pound4pound said, she needs to have a real talk with him. After that, block his number. Takes 2 seconds. Depending on your relationship with the family members he still interacts with, I'd try to talk to them and find out his intentions. Lastly, give him a call, set up a meeting in a public place and just say things are getting serious and you'd like him to bow out. He should respect any and all of those. If those don't work, just sh.... nevermind. Good luck!
If all parties can be "adult" about things and have a civilized conversation then set up a meet up to talk. Maybe bring along 1 or 2 people willing to be refs. Sometimes the best solution is always the simple one, just talk it out.
I'm not sure he'd be adult about the whole thing... he's texted and left inappropriate messages.... suffice to say, I feel like he'd cause a scene...
Then I'd agree with pound4pound, she needs to have a real talk with him, 1 on 1. And she needs to talk with her fam if they are still hanging around the guy.
If she hasn't blocked his number, it sounds like she is leaving the door open. Question? If your ex girlfriend was blowing up your phone and stopping by, and your new GF asked you to cut off contact, wouldn't that be an easy answer if you really liked her? What's going on here that she won't give you that kind of respect? Have you asked? Step 1: She calls and has "The talk" which really should not be necessary. Step 2: She informs him she will be blocking his number and won't be answering calls or texts. And if he continues to hang around family, she informs him that... Step 3: She'll be filing a restraining order so that she can move on in peace. Just my personal take. I think if she is serious about you, that process is done inside a week. Hate to over simplify, but if she isn't willing to take those steps, is she the right girl for you? Don't you deserve better? Would you do those things for her?
The ex looks like bad news... He obviously can't let go and not about to. I hope she's not using you to get that clown to straighten up. Just the cynic side of me putting in my two cents. Best of luck and would like to see it lead into something worthwhile for you.
This 100% I don't talk to my ex's period if I'm with someone I'm serious about. That's not to say she should already know this as etiquette, but it should be immediate after you have a talk with her about it. This all however starts and ends with her. She needs to be the one to talk to the ex to tell him she's blocking him and why. She needs to be the one to talk to the family members that her ex hangs out with. I don't know if she can get a restraining order against him, but she should if he won't leave her alone. You can't be the one doing anything about this right now. It's on her. If she won't do it, or she's dragging her feet, there's probably still some piece of her that still wants him in her life, and you need to find someone that can commit to you completely.
This is pretty much whats going down before I leave the country. I've been patient and honestly, hasn't bothered me much up until he sent her those really nasty texts saying he hopes we die... I'll be gone for the month in Cambodia, I'll give her that time to put her affairs in order... If not, I'll assume she's not serious and move on, if she is, then she'd done all that stuff...
