Anger Management/Behavioral Camp? Business Owner Guidance Groups?

Discussion in 'Open Discussion' started by LooN3y, Mar 15, 2021.

  1. LooN3y

    LooN3y - Rookie -

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    Does anyone have experience with any of these?


    I know the anger management camps cost an arm and a leg even for 1 day let alone a week or month. But I’ve gotten to a place where I think I need to go.

    Just away from emails, clients, my father (founder/owner). Anything minor at this point is just triggering me and all the other past BS just overflows like an erupting volcano.


    I also need to know how to manage employees and expectations. I’ve learned on the fly because my father is no help in this department and times more harmful. (Talking about other employees salary or interviewees requesting salary in front of others basically undermining all the private meetings myself and our manager had individually with them).


    That’s just one of a million things at work that’s incredibly wrong, mainly with my father. I’ve seen 7-11 workers that have more pride in their work than him. Certain things he says has every ones jaws dropped to the floor (clients, myself, employees) and we’ve lost clients because of it as well.


    I work with an overseas office so in a developing country so that’s also another huge burden. I can’t tell you the amount of late night meetings all for naught only to repeat myself in the morning (getting no sleep) and then shamefully facing the client.


    I got into a toxic relationship during covid on top of all this. (Verbal and physical abuse due to her drinking)



    At this point I’m intolerable to family, employees, clients, friends, gf. I have no motivation these days, snd more so just think about death.

    I’m not suicidal, but what is this all for? Like why am I doing this? Am I going to be happy when I look back when I die? Why live so unhappy if we’re all gonna die anyways? It just seems living is so much more harder.

    My bad if it’s a little inappropriate. I just needed a place to vent. I just don’t know where.
     
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  2. Helljumper

    Helljumper - Lakers Starter -

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    I don't have any experience with such programs, but reading your post it feels like this may not necessarily be an anger management or business issue. It sounds like a lot of that may be symptoms of a toxic workplace environment that you're unhappy with, and is complicated by family dynamics. Do you find yourself getting extremely angry even when you're away from work or your dad? Or does it always tie back to work?

    I was so unhappy at my last job. Annoyed at the office politics and micromanagement, disheartened by the motives of my company, dismayed at the powerlessness in my role. Would sometimes have to call my parents to vent, almost in tears, after meetings where I was thrown under the bus for things beyond my control. Underpaid and barely scrapping by. One day my supervisor who I was cool with gave me the heads up that the manager wanted me to go to his office so he could chew me out for something. Had never really seriously thought about leaving, but for whatever reason as I walked to his office I decided to quit. Calmly told the manager I was done before he could get into whatever he was going to complain about. Might be the biggest feeling of relief I've ever experienced.

    Obviously I don't know your circumstances. I'm NOT recommending you quit your job. But it sounds like you may just need some time to decompress. Maybe it might be beneficial to take an extended vacation or hiatus? I know it might be easier said than done, but try to get away from your dad and the office work/emails for a bit. Maybe you use that time to look into other lines of work. Maybe you spend that time just relaxing and enjoying your hobbies to recharge and that helps give you the perspective to go back to your job in a way where you find more satisfaction.

    In regards to thinking about death and wondering what makes it worth living ... that's some pretty heavy stuff and probably beyond most of our qualifications to help guide you through. You may want to try to seek a mental healthcare professional. Maybe not an expensive anger management program, but maybe a therapist that you can talk things out with.

    I will say, sometimes I ask myself those questions ... and honestly often the answer is the Lakers.

    I want to see how we do against Lamelo and the Hornets on Friday. I want to see how we construct our roster with the trade deadline and buyout market looming. I want to see if we can pull off the back-to-back titles. I want to see how Lebron finishes his career and what he's able to do to cement his legacy with the purple and gold. I want to see the transition to AD as the #1 guy. I want to see the eventual transition into the inevitable next era of Lakers dominance after Lebron and AD. And so on and so on.

    Overall, hang in there man. Things will get better. I wish you luck in finding the support and circumstances that bring you happiness.
     
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  3. sirronstuff

    sirronstuff - Lakers Legend -

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    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I went to a weekend retreat once that was amazing called Discovery. But it was in Dallas

    https://discoverydallas.com/

    No events show on the calendar right now, but normally it's once a month. Covid most likely. I've heard they have chapters all over the country. Like a year of counseling in a single weekend. Truly amazing experience.

    not sure where you are at in your faith, but sometimes a little quiet time with the Creator to start the day and with a church family can also make a huge difference.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2021
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  4. LooN3y

    LooN3y - Rookie -

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    I honestly did exactly what you said for the most part.

    Thank you, Honestly I couldn't even bear coming back to this post. I just felt so traumatized and betrayed, at the same time emasculating.



    Thank you Sirron too. I remember both ya'll from ClubLakers although i know for sure you guys dont remember me. Got a lot of knowledge from here not just basketball wise.


    Work was a major part, but my GF/EX that I met was probably something I never wish on anyone. At the same time I still feel sorry for her even though she doesnt deserve it.


    I love laker ball, to the point where homies question why I'm so critical. But I couldn't even watch ball I was so upheld with my stress with work then my relationship and then my friends I grew up with basically just abandoned me, given that I was traveling for work but when I was alone traveling I used them as a crutch but they were not there nor were they mature enough. THey were basically in the same bubble they were in when I left and committed my life since my late teens until now.


    Im finally getting back into my groove with work, I got with my ex as soon as i got back to LA and never really settled in nor really set my APT to my liking and im just so interested with Laker ball right now, which was something i couldnt force myself to do.


    Thank you helljumper, thank you sirronstuff.


    Please know what you said made a great impact to another individual and continue to do so to others.
     
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  5. LooN3y

    LooN3y - Rookie -

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    I really had to take some time to answer this part because of the toxic relationship I just couldn't think straight.


    I find myself getting angry whenever I think of work outside of work so I try not to just like stress about employees salary, hiring, clients expectations, developments on all our software and how we barely get by updating them and just keep them a float. Since we deal with the fashion manufacturing industry and their logistics its like never ending, kinda how like warehouses need to work 24/7. If we just had enough competent staff it would definitely be manageable but we can't even afford competent staff salary in a developing country, let alone affording minimum wage salary here back home.



    He's just not a team player, we need to modernize our pricing model to subscription based and charge for all of our integrations (in a reasonable and standard way/rate thats common to our industry) but he continues to go on his old school proprietary pricing model and charge basic support even though we have to make updates when we integrate to a different platform in the long run.

    And no volume pricing model for our services, just a static fee. So a customer thats processing only 10 orders pays the same years later processing 1000. If we try to renegotiate they fight tooth and nail and my Dad thats making the decision doesn't even remember what he agreed upon last time and then mentions a rate that is lower than what they agreed upon in the previous meeting (im sorry if its all over the place).

    It justs frustrating, its just that he doesn't care. I mean he was successful and created his own company and im grateful as a child but as a member of the company its just so frustrating. His negligence also creeps into conflicts with staff because "im like hey why are we falling behind on support and services" only to find out its due to one of his service deals he made, which previous deals like that had been identified and discussed. All at the same time we still need to continue to work as all our customers need to ship and pack everyday to couple times a week.




    I've even spent time printing out competitors pricing plans and made our own version (undercutting a bit but still profitable to hire and give staff proper raises to retain them) but he didn't go through with it and just completely ignored it because "he just wants to get the deal done" .


    Then when API updates come we have to charge them for the time and labor to update their database or jobs then comes "we dont want to pay" and then have waste time writing emails negotiating back and forth an undervalued price or rate (IMO). Which takes time for integrating with other systems, implementation, development, etc, etc.



    But just a little bit more negotiation when making the deal can avoid all of this and having a fluctuating model helps us grow with our customers because mo orders = mo problems.



    I don't know am I just driving myself into a dead end? The couple USA staff that we do have are older than me and have their old habits kind of like my dad but not really. (i.e. doing the minimal, not following up with our back office, blaming the back office or customer [but honestly it is their fault sometimes not all the time])





    like 4 years ago one of our bigger clients were paying a static fee for processing EDI orders (orders to departments stores) and it go to the point where our entire support team was just doing EDI orders for this client and nothing else. Got into a huge back and forth with a customer and rather sitting down with me and really evaluating a great sound plan. He cut me off and told the client that you can hire your own staff at our back office that you can manage.

    This caused us couple problems.

    1. we had no control over this employees salary and the client threw more money (they hav more money than us) to hire them causing issues with our

    2. little to no profit had they pay basic utilities, part rent, etc etc for their staff. Why are we doing this then?

    3. had they bother my developers to work on their stuff (had to cut that off and basically tell my dev team not to do this without formal email requests)




    Then 2 years later I had to go back to the back office for 3 months because my Dad didn't take care of the accounting and taxes there, given its a developing country and our last accountant was shady. He just simply ignored it and I was forced to stay dealing with the corrupt officials to open up a new company there until it was done. I sleep at the office, I dont stay at the Sheraton or hiltons theres (not that they're great over there anyways)

    So couple weeks I dont enjoy, 3 months was damn tough you get Stockholm syndrome.

    but during this ordeal, I figure out another deal where he made with another 'friend' that he made a deal to share office space with hasn't payed anything for a year and had to go into a HUGE back and forth to get back payment and then we had to move to a new office (due to the new company).

    I had literally just spend all my time at that business trip dealing with this shady/shrewd businessman and opening up a new company. Rather than having meetings with my guys and work on development and having meetings on new features, services, and being more efficient (we did of course at the same time but just not as much as I wanted to)


    issues:

    1. no profit

    2. same employee salary issues




    Another issue is that he made another deal last year that I didn't get involved in, I was in a toxic relationship and I only got involved with urgent issues and projects that I had to complete, plus I was just sick and tired of cleaning up and getting into confrontational situations with clients because of him.

    just another Static $500 per month service fee without talking about whats involved, how we're gonna get data to do the work, etc. It got to the point where now our support team is again working around the clock and delaying other services because the volume is great and he's basically using our staff as full time employees without paying USA Minimum wage.

    Causing issues with the office manager and support team. The office manager has tried contacting my father for 6 months with no reply regarding this, I mentioned it to him on a dinner we had recently. But again I don't want to mention it at dinner because it goes from a fun dinner to a very bad one.




    Am I just whining or not being man enough?

    Because literally thats how he makes me feel like that, but the consequences really say different.
     

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