Best Things To Do For A Friend Dealing With Severe Depression?

What are the best things you can do?

Get them out? Just spend time with them?

 

There really isn't a simple answer for this. When I'm depressed, going out with friends makes me feel better ... but every part of me would rather blow them off and stay in watching TV and eating junk food. Knowing that the next day I'll become even more depressed over that choice. It's a weird cycle.

The only thing I can say is just be there for them. Like real said, if I was noticeably depressed and a friend kept hitting me up to hang out, I'd get upset because I'd feel like they were pandering to me and only trying to hang out to get me to feel better. I mean rationally, there's nothing wrong with that. That's being a good friend. But when I'm in that state of mind, it feels inauthentic and just fuels the depression.

I'm just speaking for myself here, maybe your friend might appreciate persistently reaching out. But if this friend is like me, I'd say give them time and space to work things out for themselves while occasionally reaching out to them. Nothing dramatic. Don't go on some huge mission to singlehandedly take them out of their depression. Don't set up some crazy intervention.

But if for example you know they're a Laker fan, shoot them a random text asking what they think of the Luke hire. Get a small conversation going and get a feel for how they're doing. If they seem distant and unwilling to talk too much at that point in time, maybe the next week you hit them up about a random music album recommendation or ask them what they thought about a playoff game. If you're in the area, maybe invite them along with a few other friends to get together for happy hour at a local bar.

Just occasionally reach out to them for simple conversations or invite them to small get togethers. No grand gestures, just reminders of what your friendship is about. If/when they're in the mood to engage in conversation or hang out, treat them like normal. Subtly let them know that you care about them and are concerned, but for the most part just try to settle back into your usual friendship.

 

All great advice so far. What's the cause?

I really like real's suggestion to feel valued. Similar to that is to "feel felt". If this person can articulate what's bothering them, don't try to cheer them up or help them see things differently right away. They need to FEEL that you FEEL them if that makes sense.

 

Feel them up?

 

Thanks for the input guys

Depression seems like a moving target to deal with

 

Do they remain disappeared?

 

I can understand that. Depression makes people very hopeless. If life no longer holds any meaning, you could see how that could happen.

 

I'll add my 3 cents on this topic as I overcame it many years ago. There are 3 points to it that were the keys for me:

1. Relativity - I realized and understood that whatever situation I was going through there was always someone in a worse situation. You have to know and understand that. We all live our own lives, so we tend to get wrapped up in how we are living, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But so does everyone else, it's just relative to each person's life. Humble your ego and stop being so self centered. Everyone's life has good, bad, and ugly.

2. Myopia - Don't get myopic about your depression because then it dominates your life. Open your mind at that moment and put it, or whatever is causing it if you know, in perspective. You've lost perspective by focusing on the depression or the cause of your depression. Life happens and no one said its supposed to be all good all the time. Your job is to keep it in perspective.

3. Self perseverance - bottom line is you choose to survive and not let anything take you down. No special magical thoughts, phylosophy, or scripture here. Just a decision that you make with yourself that you will not be taken down by depression or whatever has you feeling that way.

I could write more about this and how I defeated depression, but I'll just sum it up by saying whenever you feel depressed try to figure out right then and there what it is. If it's something you need to level up to then do it. If you don't want to level up to it then accept that and move on. If you can't figure out the source or don't care what it is because you just don't give a f**k, then just get your mind out of that space and inject different feelings and thoughts. Expand your mind at that moment to realize and focus on the fact that there is more to life than that depression and the source of it. As you actively do that exercise then over time those depressive feelings that pop up out of nowhere get more rare and get weaker and weaker until they hardly ever happen. That's when you win because you know how to rid yourself of those feelings whenever they come up.

 

I'll put in my opinion as I have severe depression and I believe am on the track to healing.

A counselor or psychologist does wonders. But I also know that it takes a person wanting to get better for them to be able to pursue such a course. Please know that you can try your best to help, but you are not a counselor. You must be careful and recognize that you may not be able to help. That doesn't make you a bad person at all. Sometimes it takes a particular person to make things better.

Medication is helping me immensely - After going the counselor route for about 6 months and things eventually got worse (my Father became terminally ill and passed away), I have been prescribed Wellbutrin about two weeks ago. While the medicine doesn't have a full affect for another 2 months, I can already feel like I can handle more.

What worked for me from friends? Knowing that they cared. Some people from here (and former CL members) messaged me and they made a huge difference. I needed to feel like people cared. Other friends who moved on to other states checked in all the time. Found ways to send me things that would make me laugh or that distracted me from the issues that I was dealing with - but it is important that your friend actively works on their issues so he/she will also need space. Be there for them, I guess is what I am getting at. But also know that you can't cure your friend by yourself - it takes a professional.

In addition, I agree with other posters about trying to get that friend outside. Play basketball, go for a hike, a walk, things like that.

I could say more but I am at work.

I think the therealdeal is on point as many of the thoughts and things he dealt with are what I am dealing with. They really ring true.

Let me know if you have any questions Sirron. I'd be happy to provide more information.

 

Hopelessness and despair
Exhausted from working and giving
Losing your reason to fight
Can make life feel not worth living.

--Unknown

 

Honestly? Exercise. That can wire the brain in great ways, and it's a huge confidence booster. It can trigger eating better, sleeping better, and just leading an overall better lifestyle.

 

Telling a severely depressed person they need to exercise. It sounds so easy. But since depression is paralyzing, it can sound like suggesting a leisurely stroll up Mt Everest.