The Official Whine About Girls Thread

Discussion in 'Open Discussion' started by davriver209, Nov 15, 2014.

  1. davriver209

    davriver209 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2014
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Police Officer
    Location:
    Stockton, CA
    Offline
    Hello gentlemen, and ladies if there are any. Thought I'd start this baby up like we did in CL. Other reason I decided to start this thread is I am seeking some thoughts or comments.

    So as you know, the ex and I had broken up about two years ago, or three, I forget. Anyways, I've completely ceased any contact with her as it was an emotional one for me considering it was my first heart break. Long story short, we broke up on good terms, no fighting, she wanted it more than I did but hey what are you gonna do. So i cease communication.

    Throughout the 2-3 years she just randomly texts me, just at the most random times. Sometimes she's in town and wants to get coffee but I just decline stating I'm busy, which I am. So after awhile of her random texts, I decide to be more responsive and just give her a slight update on my life. I applied for the Stockton Police Dept, I'm in the academy, blah blah. Give her the small update, she's proud of me, blah blah. So now I've noticed her random texts have increased.

    By random, I mean we haven't spoke for an extended period of time and she just texts me with a "hello" or my favorite one is when she had a nightmare about me and wanted to check in with me to see if I'm okay. So I was just wondering, any reason to these texts? I mean over time, I've been able to better myself, I don't know if any of you remember me from CL, but I was pretty down during that time. You all told me to just better myself, find something I like, workout, and it led me to being a police officer... I seriously have this community to thank, if it wasn't for those words, who knows what I would've been doing. But now that I'm healthier mentally and physically, I feel being a little curious about this wouldn't hurt. She just legitimately checking on me? She trying to meet up for a reason? I'm just not sure about her intentions, haven't seen her for about a year and a half and she wants to meet up during the turkey holidays. I'm just not sure. Thoughts? Comments?
     
    TIME likes this.
  2. Barnstable

    Barnstable Supreme Fuzzler of Lakersball.com Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2014
    Messages:
    5,219
    Likes Received:
    8,776
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    These are the first thoughts that came to mind from the description:

    1. She could be kind of reminiscing about your relationship and wondering about getting back together. This isn't the same as knowing that she wants to get back together, but she wants to meet up with you to test the waters, see how things go, and see if she wants to grow it from there.

    2. She just wants to be friends.

    3. You're her crutch. Her backup possibility of a relationship when things aren't going right for her, and she contacts you when she wants to feel wanted or like she has options. If she's a bit lonely if she's not dating anyone right now, or isn't 100% happy with the relationship she's in, the prospect of you possibly wanting her back boosts her self esteem. I think this one is least likely since it doesn't sound like you've taken the bait before, so I kind of doubt that she'd still be trying this if she hasn't gotten any results for this long.

    Those are the first things that come to mind. I find that a lot of women don't have a real plan about those kinds of things (not saying men are any different), but those three are the main motivating factors going on in their heads when they contact you like you've described IMO.
     
    TIME likes this.
  3. Chillbongo

    Chillbongo - Lakers 6th Man -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,050
    Likes Received:
    1,232
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    If she was happy in her relationship she wouldn't hit you up like Barnes said. Either way this can't be good for you because she was the one who initiated the break up. If she had thoughts about getting back with you she would make it known and be up front, it sounds like she's just playing games.

    My point is she may be down to meet up, relive old times for the night but emotionally she does not feel the same way about you.
     
  4. SamsonMiodek

    SamsonMiodek - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    725
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Occupation:
    Family guy
    Location:
    Poland
    Offline
    I always feel bad when trying to give someone I don't know very well advice about relationships, because IMO, the choice of the right partner for life is the most important choice we make. Having said that...

    I generally agree with Barn's assessment - from your description it doesn't seem like she really wants to be together again. If she wanted to, she could have just asked you to meet her in person and said so. Not easy to do after a difficult break up, but if you were as important to her as she seems to have been for you, she would probably make it a little more obvious. Based on my experience it's not the intuitive way of communicating for most women as they usually want you to figure out their feelings/needs etc., but this is a very specific situation - she broke up with you and I assume she knew how hard it has been for you.

    If I could give you any advice, I'd recommend to you to think really deeply about what kind of feelings you still have for her. If there is any good side of her breaking up with you, it gave you the possibility to rethink your relationship and feelings. Do you still love her? Do you envision youself spending the rest of your life with her? I think after a long relationship with her these are legitimate questions to ask yourself. If the answer to either of those is no/rather not/maybe, just let it go. Irrespective of what her intentions might be.

    On the other hand, if she's still "that" special to you, just be careful how you go about this. From your description, she doesn't seem to be very determined to get back together. You should probably not get your hopes too high before receiving a clear sign that she feels the same/really wants to get back together.
     
    Barnstable likes this.
  5. davriver209

    davriver209 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2014
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Police Officer
    Location:
    Stockton, CA
    Offline
    Thanks for the advice and don't ever feel bad or hesitant about giving me some of your thoughts on things.

    But I'm just a little curious about her intentions is all. If I wanted to, I could've met up with her, do the nasty and split apart again. But I didn't. She don't even deserve that from me at all. Not that I'm some all mighty sex god, but just how things unfolded before the break up. I guess you could say I'm still a bit bitter about the events that led up to the very civilized break up. Like I said, I'm doing better; I've dated other women and it's been an interesting 2 years. But just having an old flame pop up always ignites a bit of curiosity.

    (Sorry for the terrible puns in the end... lol)
     
  6. SamsonMiodek

    SamsonMiodek - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    725
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Occupation:
    Family guy
    Location:
    Poland
    Offline
    If it's just curiosity and you'r sure there are no more feelings on your side, I guess there is no harm in meeting and spending some nice time with your ex ;)
     
  7. lakerfan2

    lakerfan2 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2014
    Messages:
    3,560
    Likes Received:
    5,603
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Simi Valley
    Offline
    Soo...One of my good friends meets a girl and hooks up a few times, they were together 3 weeks tops. Never was anything serious, at least from her end. She goes back to her ex, basically he was a rebound.

    That was April-May. It's Dec, I go out and she happens to be hanging with our group again, sans my friend who had previously hooked up with her. I was having a bad week, I had another girl thing go south, so I was on one. So pretty much, it ends with me hooking up with that girl, and now, we're seeing each other, but nothing serious...yet.

    Am I a bad friend for this or nah?
     
  8. davriver209

    davriver209 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2014
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Police Officer
    Location:
    Stockton, CA
    Offline
    Hahaha Jesus. That girl is displaying a pattern that I'd be very cautious of. Hooking up? Don't think that's bad, but getting this girl as a GF? ehhhh.
     
  9. Barnstable

    Barnstable Supreme Fuzzler of Lakersball.com Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2014
    Messages:
    5,219
    Likes Received:
    8,776
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    @lakerfan2 I think davriver is exactly right about your situation. She doesn't sound like she's in a place where she's committed girlfriend material right now. I'd keep it non-serious with her.
     
  10. lakerfan2

    lakerfan2 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2014
    Messages:
    3,560
    Likes Received:
    5,603
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Simi Valley
    Offline
    I'm definitely in cruise control with her now. I know it's all fun right now.

    I'm actually more worried about breaking it to my friend, who doesn't know yet. Not sure how he'll react.
     
  11. SamsonMiodek

    SamsonMiodek - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    725
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Occupation:
    Family guy
    Location:
    Poland
    Offline
    It all depends on how he felt about her. You mentioned it was never was anything serious from her end. If he felt any different, I'd say you should just stop seeing her. It would be a different situation if you two developed any kind of serious relationship but from your description it doesn't sound so.

    If he also wasn't serious, it's ok for you to go out with her I guess, but he probably should find out about it from you
     
    Barnstable likes this.
  12. davriver209

    davriver209 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2014
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Police Officer
    Location:
    Stockton, CA
    Offline
    Was your buddy crushing on her bad?
     
  13. lakerfan2

    lakerfan2 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2014
    Messages:
    3,560
    Likes Received:
    5,603
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Simi Valley
    Offline
    She said that he was a little upset that she broke things off with him.

    And now he's texting her and she doesn't know how to respond.

    I guess I got to let him know...yeesh this is messy.
     
  14. alam1108

    alam1108 - Lakers All Star -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    7,881
    Likes Received:
    16,321
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Laker Land
    Offline
    Best if you tell him rather than her imo.
     
  15. Battle Tested20

    Battle Tested20 - Lakers All Star -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    6,104
    Likes Received:
    12,655
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    eMoney Advisor
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Offline
    This.

    The cover up is always worse.
     
  16. lakerfan2

    lakerfan2 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2014
    Messages:
    3,560
    Likes Received:
    5,603
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Simi Valley
    Offline
    Update from the story up there - I did tell him, it started well, then he turned around and said he wasn't good with it. We were seeing each other for another month or so, but I guess her priorities were somewhere else as she decided to move back to the midwest where she was from. My friend really never knew we were seeing each other after, but it's over now, and it's water under the bridge, we're still good.

    Anyways, I went out last week, and met this really cute girl, got her number and everything. (okay, so I stalked her instagram after just to get a feel for her).

    She seems nice, but from her IG, she looks to be the religious girl, Christian to be specific.

    Now, I would probably land in the Agnostic branch, even though I grew up Buddhist and practice very seldom with my family. I'm an easy going, self-aware, open-minded guy, I usually don't have a problem with religion unless it's on the extremist end, and they are closed minded.

    We've been texting/flirting for a couple days now, and I'm about to ask her out on a date.

    Any advice approaching dating a religious girl?
     
  17. Barnstable

    Barnstable Supreme Fuzzler of Lakersball.com Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2014
    Messages:
    5,219
    Likes Received:
    8,776
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    Don't assume how she might feel about your religious beliefs. Talk to her about it honestly and ask how she feels about your religious position. She might be fine with it, but religious talk can be a risky subject, so wait for the right time to bring it up in conversation.
     
  18. Helljumper

    Helljumper - Lakers 6th Man -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,422
    Likes Received:
    2,381
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Student
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    So this is pretty embarrassing to admit, but I've never been in a relationship or gone on a "date". I had unfounded self-confidence issues and I never really took chances earlier in my life. It's definitely something I regret, especially because I know I probably squandered some very good opportunities while I was in college.

    But I'm past that now, and I recently made an account on an online dating site. I honestly didn't expect anything to come out of it. I just figured I'd make an account to try to get some experience and online dating was probably my best option since I don't know anyone in the area ever since I moved back home. Most of the conversations I've had on the site so far have felt like awkward small talk until recently. Over the past week, I've been talking to this one girl and we've had some pretty in depth conversations. She's cute, she's cool, and we have a lot of the same interests. We're making plans to have dinner soon.

    I was just wondering if any of you have experience with online dating? I know it's something that I should just let happen naturally, but I'm a bit curious about the general etiquette when it comes to meeting someone online for a date for the first time.
     
  19. Chillbongo

    Chillbongo - Lakers 6th Man -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,050
    Likes Received:
    1,232
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    ^Just my two cents but I've never liked dinner for a first date. Especially if it's an online meetup for the first time. For starters a table separates you for the majority of the interaction and it's already going to be nervous for both of you.

    I don't know if you drink or if she does but going to a lounge for a drink is solid and could help take off the edge, but even doing a coffee date could work. If you don't like drinks pick a coffee shop with other places nearby and if the date goes well you can go grab ice cream or do something after.
     
    Exonyte and lakerfan2 like this.
  20. davriver209

    davriver209 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2014
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Police Officer
    Location:
    Stockton, CA
    Offline
    So an update gentlemen. I went down to LA to visit my college buddies. We had a good time, drank, did some dry sex on the dance floor of the club w/ some random chicks, it was awesome.

    Now, my ex is still in LA. I pay her a visit. I wanted to visit to make up for my 2-3 years of basically ignoring and hating her (I had a right to). But I'm over it, I've forgiven her, I've experienced other women, I decided it was time to let the past be the past. I visited went to her apartment. Did a lot of catching up. We had a great time, an excellent time in fact, it never seems to fail that we have too much fun during our "dates".

    We head back and we're laying on her bed gossiping about other people and having fun making fun of others.. etc... She's really close, comfortable w/me. She's rubbing her leg all over my leg, but I'll have you know, we didn't hook up. I inflate myself an air mattress and sleep in her living room.

    The next morning, I'm getting ready to leave. She wakes up and offers to make me food. I respectfully decline.

    She goes into her closet to get dressed for the day. I jump on her bed and lay there while she gets ready. She comes back out w/ her pajamas still on. She lays down next to me and basically cuddles in with me. It catches me by surprise. But of course, me being a horn-dog and a guy, I play along. She states she was still tired and gonna lay down for awhile as well. So she's cuddled in w/me. I have my arms over shoulder, and her face is buried in my chest area. She states she likes it and was really comfortable. She still continues to somewhat get closer, bringing her forehead to my lips and I kiss her forehead (not only because I wanted to, it was basically forced up to my lips, thus the only right thing to do was kiss it... lol)

    Now, as I've stated, I've kept no contact w/ this girl... BTW, no hooking up happened, I had a feeling she wanted it, but I didn't give it to her.

    So my question... would a girl do this with any friend that is a male? Are there some emotional feelings in there? Connection? I'm just trying guage the situation here. I was slightly confused. Any ideas?

    And just for information, this girl is highly incapable of playing games w/ guys. Well intentinally playing games, maybe by accident? Thoughts gents, and gals.
     

Share This Page