Dwight Coward Abuse Allegations

Discussion in 'NBA Discussion' started by southbaylakers72, Nov 18, 2014.

  1. southbaylakers72

    southbaylakers72 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2014
    Messages:
    609
    Likes Received:
    259
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    El Segundo, California
    Offline
  2. alam1108

    alam1108 - Lakers Legend -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    13,498
    Likes Received:
    37,006
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Laker Land
    Offline
    Page Not Found
     
  3. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
  4. trodgers

    trodgers Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    11,976
    Likes Received:
    18,323
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Professor of Humanities
    Location:
    Orlando
    Offline
    I hope he didn't do it. If he did, however, I agree with you. If it'd be assault if you did it to a peer, it's abuse (or worse) if you do it to a child.
     
  5. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    We need to stop being so PC about this issue and have the guts to say; "Look, we get that this is partially a cultural thing (not entirely unique to that culture), but it's objectively wrong and it needs to stop."

    I found this article quite good;
    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/18/opinion/punishment-or-child-abuse.html?_r=0
     
    Barnstable likes this.
  6. KareemtheGreat33

    KareemtheGreat33 - Lakers MVP -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    10,963
    Likes Received:
    22,552
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Brow-beater
    Location:
    Las Islas Filipinas
    Offline
    spare the rod, spoil the child.
     
  7. FreeThePeople

    FreeThePeople - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    219
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Offline
    I 100% disagree with physical "discipline," even spanking. What are you teaching your kids? Are you teaching them not to do something, or are you teaching them that you can make other people do something or stop doing something with violence? Probably both. A spank isn't the worst thing, but when you have the concept that you can hit your kid to teach them a lesson at ALL, it is taken to extremes. We just need to stop doing this as a culture.
     
    Punk-101 likes this.
  8. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    This is describing something much worse than spanking, I'm sure, but the message is the same. Even if less severe, hitting a child creates fear; and the attachment figure should NEVER be the source of fear for the child. A human child's brain is wired to be protected and soothed by the attachment figure.
     
    lakerjones and FreeThePeople like this.
  9. ThizGuy83

    ThizGuy83 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    675
    Likes Received:
    1,371
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Occupation:
    Medical healthcare professional
    Location:
    So Cali
    Offline
    less spanking sure made our kids wonderful now a days huh
     
    johnnyboy likes this.
  10. therealdeal

    therealdeal Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Messages:
    28,475
    Likes Received:
    62,061
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    I was hit quite a lot as a child. I would never hit my children in that way.

    I would however spank them once or twice when they were little to make sure they didn't do certain things. I really don't want to get involved in a long debate about corporal punishment because I see a clear distinction. As a boy I needed the negative reinforcement every now and then. A quick spank when a child is younger teaches them there's consequences to actions. That's just my hand and a child's bottom (neither have to be bare that's just embarrassing for everyone), it's one or two spanks obviously not at any sort of full force. I am very much okay with that. I definitely needed that sometimes to keep me from doing dumb or dangerous things.

    However, I was treated much worse than that. I've been hit with a number of things from metal rods to fuzzy slippers to coat hangers to wooden spoons you get the point. I would never, have never, and have never considered doing something like that to any child. It's mentally, emotionally, and physically damaging. I've been through it and I'd never put another child through that.

    I have a large family spread across the country. I know there's areas where switches and paddles are common. I think it's time we've moved on from that part of our past. I know these players/athletes/famous people have all been brought up that way and see it as an effective way to raise their kids. I don't honestly fault them for that. What I fault them for is the extent of the damage. Spanking a kid is one thing. Hitting them with an object like a switch or a belt... I've been there and it's completely unacceptable. There's lasting damage to be done there, damage that could have been avoided with conversation and creative (constructive) punishments if need be.
     
  11. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    Real, you're one of my favorite people I've come across here. Not just as a poster, but as a person, so I hope you take this with much respect and understanding. IMO, your feeling as though you "needed the negative reinforcement" speaks to the damage to your sense of self caused by you being hit in the first place. Being hit by someone that is supposed to protect you from harm results in the child internalizing the cause of the hitting as "I'm bad and I deserve to be treated this way. I need to be treated this way because I'm bad." You're obviously a good dude and I'm sure an awesome parent, but some of that internalizing from your own childhood stuck to the point where you felt children need to get hit just a little when they're young to stop them from doing x,y,z.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2014
    FreeThePeople likes this.
  12. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    Do you really think kids are spanked less now? Even if true, do you have any idea about the other variables that are contributing to negative behaviors of youth today?
     
  13. therealdeal

    therealdeal Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Messages:
    28,475
    Likes Received:
    62,061
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    That's entirely possible and I take no offense whatsoever. I know some people don't agree with me or my ideas and that's fine. We don't all have to be the same.

    I still feel though that some negative reinforcement is possible without going to far. On an individual level I think drawing those lines is easy. When you try to step back at the whole picture and see what everybody else is doing, it's much harder to distinguish wrong from right. For instance many would take what I said and say "well what's the harm if I go one step further and use a ruler?" or "Well how many "spanks" is enough?". For me on my personal level I know where the line is even if I have trouble articulating it. I would never harm my child permanently. Heck with whatever minor spanking I give or would give I wouldn't expect that to cause much harm at all besides the initial moment. Even in those moments it's important to realize (for me) what I'm doing and what needs to be done. For instance I'd never leave right after I punished the child without a) explaining why they were punished, b) explaining what they need to do better, and c) that I love them and I don't want to do what I did.

    I know there's a fine line here and I know I'm probably losing points with some on this board, but it's where I've come out on this whole subject and I've been through enough to know the differences. I hope I'm not coming off as an abuser. I've always exhausted other options before resorting to negative reinforcement. I would never go there to begin with, it's always the last resort for me when I feel other all the other methods have failed...

    Anyway I'll stop talking before this turns into a discussion I didn't want. I'm not in any way advocating the kind of discipline common in these cases. That's what I went through and I'd never want my or any other child to go through that. What I'm talking about is a far smaller scale that I've found manageable even though I know others might not.
     
    Punk-101 likes this.
  14. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    You haven't lost any points with me at all, brother. I understand where you're coming from as a parent, and I know you're an excellent dad. I know there's a monumental difference between you and AP and DH. What we value and believe to be "the right thing to do" is very much imprinted beyond our reasoning and cognition by how we were treated as children. I can, and do disagree with you very strongly about the fundamental ways parents should treat children, but I also know that one can act in a way opposite to what I feel is right and still be a good parent (as long as it's not too far off).
     
    therealdeal likes this.
  15. therealdeal

    therealdeal Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Messages:
    28,475
    Likes Received:
    62,061
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    Cheers then my friend!

    Back to the matter at hand: If Dwight really hit his child with a belt buckle he needs to be punished.
     
  16. Punk-101

    Punk-101 - Lakers Starter -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,836
    Likes Received:
    7,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    I should have mentioned sooner. I appreciate that you shared what you went through as a child so candidly. I'm sorry about what happened.
     
    FreeThePeople likes this.
  17. Helljumper

    Helljumper - Lakers All Star -

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    4,696
    Likes Received:
    13,876
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Student
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Offline
    This is a selfish perspective of this incident ... but I really hope it ends up in Howard getting suspended for a long of time and the Rocket's record plummeting to get us a better draft pick.
     
    Punk-101 likes this.
  18. therealdeal

    therealdeal Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Messages:
    28,475
    Likes Received:
    62,061
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Offline
    Oh no problem. I've long since come to terms with it and I don't mind sharing.
     
    Punk-101 and FreeThePeople like this.
  19. southbaylakers72

    southbaylakers72 - Rookie -

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2014
    Messages:
    609
    Likes Received:
    259
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    El Segundo, California
    Offline
    Dwight Howard sits out tonight due to 'knee pain'. Wonder if that is code for - waiting for the shoe to drop.
     
  20. trodgers

    trodgers Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    11,976
    Likes Received:
    18,323
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Professor of Humanities
    Location:
    Orlando
    Offline
    I was beaten; I spanked because it was what I knew - for about a year or two - and then my wife and I decided no more. It was clearly the right decision.
     

Share This Page